Just because you’ve graduated from junior high school doesn’t mean you’ll never see juvenile behavior again.
All you have to do is join a preschool Mom’s group. Or enroll your children in elementary school.
Or home school them.
Or, enter a situation where three or more moms gather. (The larger the number the worse it seems to be.)
It’s a sure formula for cattiness and cliquish behavior.
Eventually a mean mom clique will form.
You can almost bank on it.
Because it really does seem as if grown adult women are getting meaner. Of course, this is something I can’t prove.
But a number of social scientists have documented a rise in narcissistic personality disorder.
Although I not a professional and I can’t diagnose, I have met a number of very mean moms. These women have all the traits of someone with antisocial personality disorder.
Lying, cheating, deception, betrayal. Along with what seems like a sadistic streak.
While I can’t say for sure that the mean women I’ve met have a full blown case of narcissistic personality disorder. But I don’t need to.
All you and I need to know is that they’re toxic.
How To Deal With Mean Mom Cliques
There’s a special kind of evil that runs through mean mom cliques.
It’s one of exclusion.
Not only do these cliques exclude the Mom.
They also exclude the kids.
This is exceptionally cruel. It’s also the glue that holds these adult bullies together.
No one wants their children excluded from birthday parties, sleepovers and other events.
This is the last thing any Mom wants.
The unspoken message is “this can happen to you too.”
This is what helps keep everybody in line.
Nobody wants to be excluded. Absolutely nobody wants this to happen to their children.
So, in order to prevent their own children from suffering, members of the mean mom clique will compromise their morals. In order to stay in the good graces of the Queen Bee.
Typically, with adult female bullies, there’s one queen bee. She sets the rules. She chooses the target.
Malicious people always need a target. When they’re finished with one, they move to the next. That’s how they roll.
Mothers Who Bully Other Mothers
Mothers who bully other mothers engage in a special kind of evil.
They are adult women who have no problems hurting children. Because excluding a mom from a clique means excluding her children as well.
Mean mom cliques may not have been much of an issue a couple of generations ago.
That’s because mothers did their thing. They let their children do their own thing.
Back in the day children could play outside and return for lunch. They’d spend an afternoon with their friends and join Mom and Dad for dinner.
Societal changes and safety issues mean moms are heavily involved in their children’s activities.
So excluding a mother from a social circle means her children become outcasts too.
This is a very exceptional kind of cruel. Because it knowingly involves hurting a child.
As adults we have the tools to handle it. Rejection still stings. But we’re able to pick up and carry on. For a child rejection is much worse, especially if it carries over in the school.
Parents Excluding My Child
I’m not a mental health expert. But you know your child. Seek professional help if you believe it’s necessary.
The sad reality today is that when a parent is excluded so are the children. Just like you, they likely didn’t do a thing to bring it on.
The one thing to remember about adult female narcissists is that they’re enviously. Insanely so. If they sense you have any advantage they’ll want it for themselves.
Are you someone who people normally want to spend time with? Do you have a kind heart? A nicer house? A better employment situation? Or, are you able to live on one income and stay home with your children?
Well, watch out.
All of the above can make you a target. Unfortunately, your children end up as targets too.
Anything you have the narcissist wants. Everything you have she wants too. Your house, your friends, your social standing, your good name.
She even wants your kind heart, even though that’s impossible for her to take.
So she’ll put on a show of kindness, while portraying you as the troublemaker.
If you find yourself in a mean Mom clique, don’t get discouraged. Just get out.
You will survive this. Your children will survive this too.
All things pass. This included.
Today’s clique will be tomorrow’s old news. Cliques don’t last forever. Especially toxic ones.
Plus, the last thing you need is toxicity.
You and your children will be much better off if you don’t travel in a toxic clique.
Some survival tips below.
When Other Moms Don’t Talk To Me
- Realize many mothers have walked the same road. And survived. So have their children. Painful as it is, realize that this too shall pass. It is very difficult to watch your children suffer though. Although it may seem like the end of the world to leave this particular social setting, it won’t be. You and your children will ultimately be much happier without the toxicity. Eventually, you and your children will find new friends. In the meantime, keep them busy.
- View it as an opportunity too. Adults who exclude children are very sick people. It’s a chance to get these sickos out of your life, and your child’s life as well. Mean adults often raise mean children. Use this time to invite nicer people into your life.
- Don’t expect much from bystanders. Oftentimes, there is one queen bee. She instills fear. The other moms dread being kicked out of the group. Because they know their children will suffer. So they let a lot of things slide. It’s still not a good excuse though. These women are not your true friends. Loyal friends wouldn’t let you be excluded. They’d insist you remain part of the group.
Read More About Adult Female Bullies
Are some all “grown up” women operating even meaner big girl cliques than what you saw in junior high?
You bet they are.
Because it seems as if women really are getting meaner. As a group, that is. Not as individuals.
You will still find a lot of nice women.
But the meanies seem to rule the roost. You’ll now find meanies in every setting where two or more women gather.
That’s why it’s a good idea to educate yourself on the documented rise in narcissism and associated personality disorders.
Hopefully, you’ll be able to spot one of these meanies before they disrupt your life.
I wrote my book, which is called, Are Women Getting Meaner? with this in mind. To help my readers better understand the phenomenon of adult female bullies. The information in this book may give you a heads up when you encounter one of these she-devils again.
I’m convinced the more you learn about malignant narcissism the better off you are.
Malicious people are a modern day epidemic. We’ve all met them.
The trick is keeping them out of your life in the first place. If that fails, then we move on and somehow learn to forgive them. (Because forgiveness is what sets us free.)
You Might Also Like
Surviving Mean Mom Cliques