How do you pray for a narcissist?
How do you pray for someone who went out of their way to hurt you?
Someone who has no intention of saying “I’m sorry” with any sincerity.
Even if you do extract an apology, it probably won’t be sincere. In fact, the narc will probably try to turn the tables and get YOU to apologize for some imagined wrong.
So how the heck do you pray for someone like this?
Let me back up.
I’ll try to explain why you want to pray for a narcissist, in the first place.
You do it for two reasons.
For you. You also do it for the person who hurt you.
Mostly, though, you do it for you. Because praying for someone will help you to forgive them.
But why do you want to forgive someone who went out of their way to hurt you?
Not just hurt you because he or she was too weak to be honest. Or hurt you without thinking it through.
Instead, this is someone who may have plotted for years to bring you down.
Someone extremely cold and calculating. Who tried to ruin your life. Just because.
Despite this you still need to forgive them. I’ll explain why.
How To Pray for a Narcissist
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The reason you want to forgive a narcissist is because it’s the only thing that will set you free.
Until you take this step, you’re not really free.
You remain angry. You run the risk of becoming perpetually bitter.
It can change you. It can drive others away. Good people who care about you and have your best interests at heart can be driven away.
As long as you’re angry, the narc remains firmly in control.
He or she doesn’t care if you forgive or not. Personally, I think they’d prefer you didn’t. That would mean giving up control and letting you move on and be happy again. (That’s the last thing a malicious person would want.)
So you need to forgive for you.
If you pray, I believe that prayer can help you get there.
It’s not easy to forgive a malicious person. I know because I’ve had to do it. It’s been years. But I remember just how difficult it was to forgive someone who went out of their way to hurt me.
She likely worked on her grand plan to inflict a lot of pain for years, taking meticulous care to drag as many people as possible into the drama.
My children were also hurt in the process.
Still, I had to forgive her.
There was really no choice if I wanted to heal.
How Do You Pray for a Narcissist?
As you probably guessed I believe in God and realize that my faith calls me to forgive.
So I was highly motivated to forgive.
But not just because of my faith.
I would want to forgive this person even if I didn’t believe in God.
Because it was my only real choice if I didn’t want the situation to sap my energy.
Forgiving wasn’t easy. It was a process and it took time. Sometimes I’d slide back into anger.
So if you’re trying to forgive a narcissist be patient with yourself.
For me, praying for this person helped me forgive her.
But how do you bring yourself to pray for a narcissist?
It’s not easy. You need to will it. Here are some tips.
- Start small and say a few prayers.
- The next day say more.
- Do this every day and soon it will become part of your routine.
- Try to see see things from a narcissist’s point of view.
- Remind yourself that a narcissist is deeply wounded. He or she is miserable inside. Narcissists hurt others because it makes them feel superior. At least temporarily. Hurting someone else offers a brief respite from their own inner turmoil.
- If you can get to the point where you feel sorry for the narc (because he or she is such a miserable person) the prayer process becomes much easier.
- Try to move yourself from anger to pity for the person. (Because he or she is so miserable.)
- Picture the person who hurt you at the end of their life. Appearing before God. He or she will have to give a full account. No excuses accepted.
Narcissists are not happy. They’re just good at faking it.
The old saying, “Misery loves company” applies here. Narcissists are very miserable. They can’t stand to see anyone else thriving. So they embark upon a grand plan, designed to make you miserable too.
You don’t have to be though.
Forgive them and move on.
In the short term, praying for a narc will benefit you more than them.
Long term it may also benefit them. What we hope is that they change. That they take stock and repent.
Everyone says narcissists can’t change ever. I believe this is true.
But I also believe in miracles. It WILL take a miracle for a narcissist to change.
But God can do anything.